Country singer Chely Wright received a bumper sticker in the mail. It was sent to her by her brother just before he left for Baghdad and it’s slogan was in support of US Troops overseas. In his 15 years of Marine service, Chris Wright had never been placed in so much peril, and his sister had never been so proud. So proud, in fact, that she did the only thing she could to help in his his time of need: she placed that sticker square on her truck’s bumper.

Wait… no… there must be more. What else could she do to help? Then, as she cut off a woman in a minivan, it all became clear. She sat down, wrought with emotion, and penned the lyrics to her current #1 country hit: “The Bumper of My S.U.V.”

Now, if the irony here escapes you, even for a moment, leave this blog and never return, for you are no longer welcome. The song has become a phenominal success in the inexplicably prolific world of country music. People with mustaches can’t seem to get enough of her impish crooning and sensible good looks. Since all of the people in question drive trucks, shoot animals, and eat babies (well, maybe not that last one), the irony of supporting the war in Iraq from inside an SUV could very easily have eluded them. She never actually addresses the fact that her SUV is, indeed, and SUV, gleefully ignoring the negative political connotations that accompany the term. As near as I can tell, she only uses the term because it’s easier to rhyme than “Tahoe.”

There may be no greater symbol of American hubris than the massive, excessive, gas-guzzelling SUV (except perhaps for the promotional image below of Wright standing like a tank-topped Patton before a waving American flag). The cost to fuel a Hummer for 6 months could pay to house and feed an entire family in most parts of the now embattled Iraq for a year. The cost of the vehicle itself could probably purchase… Kuwait… or something… but that’s just a guess.

Anyone without a six-shooter strapped to their hip has probably also identified the more specific personal irony involving the song’s author and it’s muse. This guy is in his 15th year of military service and has been placed well into harm’s way in an effort to defend American oil interests in the Middle East. His sister applauds him loudly, stateside, from the driver’s seat of the most efficient oil-burning, terrorist-funding contraption available to the public at large. But it gets better! That very same public rewards her with airplay, record sales, and talk show appearances, further incensing the world at large, and continuing to feed the machine that is American Ignorance. She can afford any SUV she wants now!

I’m only going to say this once:
buying Chely Wright albums supports terrorists.

Check out some other suggestions for adorning the bumpers of SUVs at idontcareaboutair.com.

And, finally, I’ll leave you with some lyrics:

The Bumper Of My SUV Chely Wright

I’ve got a bright red sticker on the back of my car,
Says United States Marines.
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van held up a middle finger at me.
Does she think she knows what I stand for
Or the things that I believe
Just by looking at a sticker for the US Marines
On The Bumper Of My SUV?

See, my brother Chris, he’s been in for more than 14 years now.
Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam.
Did his duty then he got out.
And my grandpa earned his purple heart
On the beach of Normandy.
That’s why I’ve got a sticker for the US Marines
On The Bumper Of SUV.

But that doesn’t mean that I want war.
I’m not Republican or Democrat.
But I’ve gone all around this crazy world
Just to try and better understand.

Yes I do have questions,
I get to ask them because I’m free.
That’s why I’ve got a sticker for the US Marines
On the Bumper Of My SUV.

Cause I’ve been to Hiroshima,
And I’ve been to the DMZ.
I’ve walked on the sand in Baghdad.
Still don’t have all of the answers I need.
But I guess I wanna know where she’s been,
Before she judges and gestures to me.
Cause she don’t like my sticker,
For the US Marines
On the bumper of my SUV.

So I hope that lady in her mini-van,
Turns on her radio and hears this from me
As she picks up her kids from their private school,
And drives home safely on our city streets.
Or to the building where her church group meets.

Yeah, that’s why I’ve got a sticker for the US Marines
On the bumper of my SUV.