What's going on around here (read: Earth) lately?

Globally - Iraq's first national elections are scheduled to erupt in a massive fireball this coming Sunday, as the Iraqi interim government dutifully pushes ahead with... ahem.. OUR agenda.

Nationally - Condoleeza Rice was confirmed as Secretary of State this week, only months after we first saw her on CNN saying she (as National Security Advisor) had not brought to the admittedly-waning attention of our President a memo called "Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside the United States." Meanwhile in the back of a downtown Los Angeles swingers club, Spongebob Square Pants lies on a velour chaise, laughing maniacally, popping barbituates and getting head.

Locally - A suicidal 25 year old called Juan Alvarez slits his wrist, stabs himself several times in the chest and parks himself in a Jeep Cherokee on a commuter train track to await death. Upon seeing the approaching train, he has a change of heart and decides that maybe death isn't for him. When he is unable to dislodge his car from the tracks in time, he finds himself standing, bleeding and watching as it derails a southbound commuter train, which careens into a northbound commuter train, which topples a freight car. Ten people die, hundreds are injured and the state is pushing to give Juan Alvarez... the death penalty.